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Nothing changing vs everything changing : JFK-LAX flight

When I’m about to write that life started to unravel after Mike died, I’m sure most people would assume that life unravelling = kim spiraling out of control, losing her shit, and going crazy. But what I really feel is that I’m uncovering a whole world that has never been taught to me before, a world that seemed right under my nose this whole time. It’s a world of awareness and intuition, where actions are taken based on what you feel in your gut & your heart rather than your brain. If the heart is the true source that supplies blood flow to our brain, why then do we always believe that leading with our heads is 'better than’ leading with our hearts?

I have a mantra that helps me to stay strong and continue along this path: THE FEAR OF NOTHING CHANGING SCARES ME MORE THAN THE FEAR OF EVERYTHING CHANGING. I repeat that to myself. I write it down. I tell my friends. I even tell strangers to hold myself accountable, and to continue along this path. When you don’t feel fulfilled, when you wake up in your beautiful apartment with your great job and your great friends, and you still don’t feel happy, what do you do? Well, I tried before to just 'get a hobby.' I tried to blame others for making me feel unfulfilled. Nope. Didn’t work.

What happens when you really listen to your gut? What does it say? And why are we so afraid of it?

Because it's scary & uncharted. There's no standardized intuition roadmap that has been carved out like the current path that has been well paved by the billions before us: school, work, marriage, babies, and then what? Retirement? Is that really what it’s all about? It seems that so many of us are afraid to question the path we are told to follow, even if it doesn't feel right. But by the time we wake up and realize this was not the path we wanted, we call it a 'mid-life crisis'. We think we can finally let in what we really want and even then we are ostracized for following it.

So, what does my gut say, you ask? It’s telling me to go f*ck off and travel, to experience the world through connecting with other people, other cultures, and other food.

Last month I began my three week leave of absence from work and decided to test the waters of solo travel with a trip to Tulum. Long story short is that I came home and realized I couldn’t go back to work. I asked for an additional three month personal leave to give me some more time to think. But if I had to decide right now, if you asked me 100 times if I wanted to go back to my old job, I think the answer would be a resounding ‘No thank you' every time. Maybe things will change, but I feel compelled to continue along this journey and see where it leads me.

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